Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
