I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
