Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
