So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
