My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
