yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
