He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
