woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
