And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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