i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
