I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
