Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
