Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize