You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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