I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wow bdsm is so cute
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
