I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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