Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
