I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
