Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
