I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
