Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
