literally had 100 drinks last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
