he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize