I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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