You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
