maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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