True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NoShamevember. You game?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
