Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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