how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
