I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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