How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
