i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
