I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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