would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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