The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
