Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize