i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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