Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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