Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't deserve a penis
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
