I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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