When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
