A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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