yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
