I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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