the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
