i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
