you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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