he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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