so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
