just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
