I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
