i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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