So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
