Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The best revenge is premature balding
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
