The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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