Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize