she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
