ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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