my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
