don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
